I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Can I color on your dick again?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
