She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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