well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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