I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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