I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
