3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
