if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
