wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
