You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
