Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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