dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
