I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
