I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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