I feel like abortions should bother me more
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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