you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize