I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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