First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
