I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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