How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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