like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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