Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
