I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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