And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
