I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
