I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
PANTIES FOUND
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