so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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