He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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