she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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