i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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