Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
