Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize
