Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
