someone threw a dead crab at me
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
