He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
