I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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