the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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