Can i not drive my cunt home
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
And then he peed in my hair
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