he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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