glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
