Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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