I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
