What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
