just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
