One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
