Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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