I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
