cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
