Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize