Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
