And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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