matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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