do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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