so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
