It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
