I think my fart just growled at me.
I look better un-naked...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So much rum. So many feels.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
