I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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