I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
