He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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