Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
