I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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