Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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