We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
