I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you made out with another girl for some wings
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
