I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
