Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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