There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
