Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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