I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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