Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
