seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
