I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
