I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize