Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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